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Paul is seven years old and attends the local village primary school. When we felt he was ready for first communion training we decided to test the water for the possibility of his Anglican mother taking communion with the family on Paul's special day, and for this to be followed by Paul receiving communion in both churches.
Rejection from an unexpected source
We were off to a flying start! Without any prompting, our Anglican vicar suggested that Paul should receive communion with the family in the Anglican church as soon as he had received his first communion in the Catholic church. He would of course need "to consult the bishop". We were confident that the bishop would agree. However, his response to the vicar was that he did not feel able to give permission for two reasons. First, Paul (at seven) would be setting a precedent which might cause problems in the parish; second, as a bishop he could not officially sanction us to break what he saw as strict Catholic rules.
Although upset at rejection from an unexpected source, we did not give up. We rang to make an appointment with the bishop and ended up by speaking to him there and then on the phone. After a long discussion, during which he began to recognise how important the issue was to us as a family, he first suggested as a compromise that we should share our communion bread with Paul at the altar rail. Paul's mother explained that she felt this would be very unsatisfactory, and by the end of the conversation the bishop agreed to our request subject to the agreement of the churchwardens.
The vicar spoke to Paul the week before his first communion to explain that it was a special privilege, and that he and the bishop had agreed that they saw it as a positive sign of fellowship between the local churches. Another small step ... !
"Not exceptional enough"
Meanwhile we had asked our newly-ordained Catholic priest for Paul's mother to receive communion at that special mass. His first reaction was "Doubtful ...", but he said that he would consult and get back to us.
At our next meeting he reported that, having discussed it with various people, he was even more doubtful. We asked him not to say "No" to us yet. We suggested a letter to the bishop. He readily agreed and we wrote a supporting letter to accompany his. Much to his consternation and that of the religious community in which he lives, the bishop rang just before supper! The bishop was sympathetic, but did not feel the occasion exceptional enough, and thought that "it would open the floodgates".
We were very disheartened, but again we did not give up. Our priest was happy for us to write to the bishop directly. We wrote at length this time, trying to deal with all possible arguments (armed with the 1993 Ecumenical Directory) and to impart some sense of the desperate need we felt. He replied in a handwritten letter, saying that he had given much thought and prayer to our request with which he had "great sympathy". As he pointed out, he had always been sympathetic to our previous requests (both our younger children had been baptised in the Anglican church by Roman Catholic priests). However, he could not give permission "in this instance". It would set a precedent which would be hard to control. He said the matter would be considered at a pastoral conference by clergy and laity together, and after that guidelines would be issued. He apologised again for being negative as he signed off.
We were not really expecting a dramatic change of heart in his reply, and so were beginning to come to terms with Paul's mother being unable fully to participate on the big day. We were heartened for the future by his reply. We feel that if nothing else he is now well aware of our existence, and of some of the issues we might present in years to come. We have two younger children ...
Tinged with sadness
The day came and was a very happy occasion. Our priest welcomed all non-Catholic Christians up for a blessing; Paul's contribution to the bidding prayers was a prayer for Christians to be united all over the world "as Jesus wanted". One of the most moving moments of the service was seeing members of our Anglican church walk in unexpectedly, to share in Paul's celebrations. They later reported it a moving service - possibly shattering some preconceptions about Catholics and the mass. The day was nevertheless tinged with sadness because Paul's mother was not sharing completely in the central part of the celebration.
The bishop had however intimated that our priest could discreetly celebrate a house-mass for us and give Paul's mother communion, which he did the next day, while grandparents were still with us. Before the house-mass, our priest took Paul's mother to one side and suggested that while the fact that she was able to receive communion on this occasion was not a "secret", it should remain confidential*. We have never wanted to receive communion surreptitiously - for us, this somewhat defeats the object of the exercise. However, we did appreciate it, even though it was not the same as being able to receive at the actual event and to celebrate with the rest of the community.
Paul received his first communion in the Anglican church the following Sunday - with no fuss, family, or friends - and yet it was very special indeed for us both, because we all knelt together and all shared in the Lord's supper together. It was another step in our journey of faith together as a family.
Paul's parents
*This request is very significant. Paul's parents have always respected it in their local situation, realising that what lay behind it was the fear of the effect on other people who might come to know of it. Here names have been changed to avoid any identification of place. Ed.
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Produced by Association of Interchurch Families, England
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